Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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