Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
