So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
time to smoke my breakfast
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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