Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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