The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
