I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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