Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
