so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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