Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
