ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
