My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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