Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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