So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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