i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She's the barista slut.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize