oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
