Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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