Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
