you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
