I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
