K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
