your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
