i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
