i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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