he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
