can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
