well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
