Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
