Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
