I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm always down for nudity.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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