i jhust puked up my retainher.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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