I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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