You smell like a Billy Joel song
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
