i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I need a beard to bite.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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