Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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