I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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