Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
