9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
