I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize