Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
