Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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