i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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