i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
