Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize