Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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