I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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