Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
