He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize