she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
