can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
