I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
