glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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