I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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