Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
