i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
