So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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