i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
