There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
