that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
