dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
