She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
