I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize