I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
