dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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