Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
