you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
