do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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