Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
