let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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