I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
