Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
