thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
