Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
