I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Will exercising make me less horny?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
