mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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