You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
