when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
organizing the empties. That sober.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
