i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
