I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
