Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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