omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
