Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
