Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
