Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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