Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
