My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
