he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
