smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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