I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
