My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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