So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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