I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
