her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
