the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
