You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
