That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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