i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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