That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
