So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
