Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
