Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
