In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
