You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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