It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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