I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
