So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
