Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
