please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
