But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
