the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
