She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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