is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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