she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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