This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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