im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
