Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
