Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
